He was an apparent best friend. One who was supposed to be my confidante in everything. We used to laugh, about everything and anything. Sisters, as we affectionately called each other. Whenever I stood up for him, started a fight somehow or another, it never seemed tiring or worthless. To me, friends mean the world; they support me, I support them. No one was caught crying together, it showed the strength in our unity. Or so I thought it did. But then again, being betrayed isn't something that I enjoy, but I can't say I haven't been through it. He got attached, I was happy, but nonetheless envious to see my best friend being taken away by a person I barely knew. For a long time, I endured such pains of dejection and loneliness. A sad song at 10:00PM would make me cry, and I swore to distance myself from him. Best friends? Eventually, I grew to realize that maybe I couldn't live without a friend like him, like he was indispensable. However, I was betrayed once again. He told his friend about my personal secrets, and so it spread. And now I'm all alone. I know you want to be nice to him because you rejected his feelings for you, but how dare you tell him my fancies? And that ungrateful brat, wouldn't be here today if not for me guiding him in this field. I'll drag myself to living hell and come out alive, just to prove to all how strong I really am. I'm hurt, I'm devastated. I feel like there's nothing left and my life's is going downhill. But it' not the end for me. 3 divas or SA? At the end of the day, I'm the only one left standing.

Abbreviations

So today, I got a new nickname: GB. Well that's pretty creative considering I've never heard it since 2006. You all can pretty much guess what it stands for anyway. Honestly, I'm delighted at such progress these fans have made. Speculation shows that 1/3-1/2 of my fans are bastard children or from broken families. For those of you who are facing such adoration from your schoolmates, always know that you can find comfort in the knowledge of your superiority. Half of them are building their confidence on sand, without any real foundation. Their half-witted actions will be their downfall in 1-2 years time, when the tidal waves come crashing down. And always etch this deeply into your mind: Never have qualms against destroying those who tried to gain identity by bringing you down. It's not your fault an incubus of viral plague was produced.

An incubus of viral plague.

 *Disclaimer: I'm deeply sorry if you are offended by this in any way, but if the shoe fits then lace it up bitch.

Sorry but I'm not Willy Wonka, thus I don't sugar coat. Get real!

Insignificance

Description in 3 parts of a day's events (run simultaneously)
_______________________________________________

Them: Disorder. Rowdiness. Cheers. Irritation. Pranks. Jest. Laughter. Exuberance. Joy. Freedom. Saturation. Annoyance. Unnerving. Boldness. Courage. Stupidity. Audacity. Idolized. Pulled. Mocked. Attention-seeking. Stupidity. Oblivious. Stupidity. Regret. Stupidity.
_______________________________________________

Him: Calm. Irritated. Domineering. Authoritative. Loud. Anger. Frustration. Convulsed. Chaffed. Ferocious. Impassioned. Merciless. Bitter. Hate. Apathy. Defeated. Humiliated.
_______________________________________________

Me: Free-spirited. Open. Arrogant. Confident. Superior. Obedient. Irritation. Vexed. Enthusiastic. Sprightly. Vivacious. Excited. Murderous. Passionate. Cold. Fiery. Ice-heart. Hot-blooded. Pulsing. Racing. Spinning. Disappointed. Comforted. Shrieks. Cheers. Karma. Glares. Victorious.
_______________________________________________

The Drama of Defiance Led to Discipline.
And thus, insignificance was burned to ash, pride never to be regained. In my head rung my victory call; "Polonaise for Polar Bears":

 

 

 

 

 

Distractions

With a week one past and still I'm unable to concentrate, I ask myself what's wrong. Idealistic. That's what I am. I need to really start coming up with a proper plan of action. Proving to all those who ever mocked me is my current motivation. But I realize now that to do well truly takes the drive for oneself to succeed, and not for anyone else. I also am burgeoning a deep-rooted hate for this school. Distractions, distractions. Making it harder is the fact that we're touching on my beloved Schumann in Music, and I can't seem to get enough of it. Have you ever tried reaching out for something you know you can't have? Holding on so tightly that you get blisters?

Emotions powerful and conflicting (like now):

Epiphany

As I walked out of the Woodsville house today, a great realization had struck. "I'm not doing this to help you", the cold words still echoed throughout my head. Now I was really alone, with my back turned against the wall, with no one to depend on. What surprised me was actually the shocking difference from just a year ago, "We will do something about this but there's no guarantee". Same person, but with such different views in just a year's span. Now I really don't regret pouring milk on that beast do I? Once again, I was pin pointed for my callous and insensitive behavior. I'm not angry at anyone actually, the numbness has already kicked in. There was a time when I really cared about what people thought of me, and always got so emotional over it. After this morning's devotion, I really thought to myself: How could I possibly encourage people who mock me, and get away with it? Being reprimanded for my actions today, all I could really hear was me, me and me. What about them? I always wondered what their reactions would be if I got up in assembly, and slashed my wrist there and then? 'Cause it seems like a feasible option to me. I'm tired of trying to please everyone, teachers and schoolmates. Sorry St. Andrew's that I'm not good enough to lead a comfortable life in school, sorry that I'm not the person you think I should be and I'm also sorry for posting so many harsh comments about the school on social media. I love this school so much because all the treatment I get is because it's deserving and it will train me up. Thank you for giving me 10 years of education.